French Etiquette Explained: What Every American Traveler Should Know

Published May 3, 2025

Planning a trip to France? Fantastique! While breathtaking architecture, incredible cuisine, and rich history await you, understanding French social customs will transform your experience from tourist to informed traveler. Mastering these unwritten rules helps you create authentic connections and enjoy France on a deeper level. Plus, you'll avoid coming home with the common misconception that "French people are rude."

The Sacred Art of Saying Bonjour

Why Americans Get Confused
In the US, we often skip formal greetings and go straight to our question or request. A quick "hey" to service staff works perfectly fine at home.

The French Reality
In France, le bonjour (hello) is non-negotiable. Entering any shop, restaurant, elevator, or waiting room without saying "bonjour" (and ideally "bonjour madame" or "bonjour monsieur") is genuinely considered disrespectful.

Practical Advice

• Always begin interactions with "Bonjour" (bon-ZHOOR) before asking questions

• When entering small shops, acknowledge everyone with a general "Bonjour"

• Switch to "Bonsoir" (bon-SWAHR) after approximately 6pm

• End transactions with "Merci, au revoir" (mehr-SEE, oh-vwah)

Jean-Paul: "The greeting ritual establishes mutual respect between people. Without it, the interaction simply cannot proceed properly. This is why some visitors mistakenly think French people are ignoring them when they haven't begun with 'bonjour.'"

Jessica: "I once watched a shopkeeper completely ignore an American tourist who launched into English questions without saying bonjour first. That tourist likely went home thinking all French people were horrible, when it was actually a simple cultural misunderstanding."

Navigating La Bise and Personal Space

Why Americans Get Confused
Americans typically maintain a larger personal bubble and reserve cheek kisses for close family members only.

The French Reality
La bise (cheek kiss) is the standard greeting among friends, family, and often acquaintances after the first meeting. However, personal space boundaries follow complex situational rules.

Practical Advice

• For la bise: typically two kisses (one on each cheek) starting from the left (your right cheek first)

• In Paris and northern regions: two kisses

• Southern France: often three kisses

• Some eastern regions: four kisses!

• When in doubt, follow the French person's lead

• Handshakes remain standard for business and first-time meetings

Jean-Paul: "We don't actually make lip contact with the cheek. It's more about bringing cheeks close together and making a small kissing sound. The number of kisses varies by region, but Parisians typically do two."

Jessica: "Don't panic about the cheek kiss! French people understand you're a foreigner. What matters is making the effort rather than awkwardly backing away, which might seem cold or standoffish. Just follow their lead and you'll be fine."

Dining Etiquette: The Leisurely French Meal

Why Americans Get Confused
American dining emphasizes efficiency with prompt service, quick meals, and checks arriving without request.

The French Reality
French dining is an experience, not a transaction. Meals are meant to be savored, conversations enjoyed, and rushing is considered uncultured. Your waiter won't bring your check until specifically requested, as doing so would be considered rushing you.

Practical Advice

• Keep hands visible on the table, not in your lap (wrists/forearms resting on the edge)

• Don't expect free refills or ice in your water (even in summer!)

• The fork stays in your left hand, knife in right throughout the meal

• To signal you're finished, place knife and fork together on the plate

• To request the check, catch your server's eye and mime writing in the air, or say "L'addition, s'il vous plaît" (lah-dee-see-OHN, seel voo PLEH)

• Tipping is not required as service is included, but rounding up or leaving a few euros for exceptional service is appreciated

Jean-Paul: "French waiters are professionals who take pride in giving you space to enjoy your meal. Interrupting constantly would be considered poor service in France. We view meals as an important, meaningful part of the day, not something to rush through."

Jessica: "When I first visited France, I thought the servers were ignoring us, but they were actually being respectful! Americans perceive it as slow service, but it's actually considered attentive service. Now I appreciate the uninterrupted conversation and relaxed pace of French dining."

Volume Control: The Art of Speaking Softly

Why Americans Get Confused
Americans often speak more loudly than they realize, especially in groups and when excited or having fun.

The French Reality
The French generally speak more quietly in public spaces, particularly in restaurants, on public transportation, and in shared areas. Being overheard is considered somewhat embarrassing.

Practical Advice

• Match your voice volume to the sound around you

• Be especially mindful in restaurants, museums, and on public transportation

• If people are glancing your way during conversation, lower your volume

• Remember that many French people understand at least some English, so they may understand what you're saying about them!

Jean-Paul: "In France, we consider it respectful to keep conversations somewhat private in public. Very loud speaking can seem like imposing your presence on others who are also trying to enjoy their experience."

Jessica: "I've watched entire café terraces go silent and stare at American tourists who were simply excited about their trip. The Americans weren't being intentionally disruptive, they just weren't aware of the volume difference between cultures. I now remind myself to speak at half of my normal volume when in France."

Dress Code: Casual With Intention

Why Americans Get Confused
American casual often means comfort above all: athletic wear, flip-flops, or very informal clothing in everyday settings.

The French Reality
The French have a different definition of "casual" that still emphasizes being put-together. Even for routine errands, many French people dress with intention.

Practical Advice

• Opt for "smart casual" rather than truly casual attire

• Reserve athletic wear for exercise, not daily activities

• Choose quality over quantity in your travel wardrobe

• Consider accessories (scarves, simple jewelry) to elevate simple outfits

• Comfortable shoes can still be stylish (white sneakers are still on trend)

Jean-Paul: "We tend to view personal presentation as a form of respect for others and ourselves. Dressing thoughtfully signals that you take both yourself and your surroundings seriously."

Jessica: "I used to pack yoga pants and hoodies for comfort while traveling, but I noticed people treated me differently when I upgraded to nice jeans, simple tops, and a scarf. You don't need fancy clothes, just intentional ones. And dark colors are always a safe bet in cities."

Shopping Etiquette: Look With Respect

Why Americans Get Confused
In American stores, we're accustomed to browsing freely, touching merchandise, and often receiving attentive service.

The French Reality
In many French shops, especially small boutiques, merchandise is treated with more reverence. Shopkeepers may prefer to assist you rather than having you handle items independently.

Practical Advice

• Remember your "Bonjour!" to the shopkeeper upon entry

• Ask before touching items in small shops

• Don't expect to try on clothes in very small boutiques

• Be prepared for more direct opinions from salespeople about what suits you

Jean-Paul: "Small shops are often run by owners who take great pride in their merchandise. Their attentiveness is not them hovering or being suspicious, but their way of providing personalized service and sharing their expertise."

Jessica: "In America, we're used to being left alone while shopping, so French retail can feel intrusive. But once I understood they were trying to help rather than monitor me, I appreciated their genuine advice and product knowledge."

Essential Politeness Phrases

Why Americans Get Confused
While Americans value friendliness, we sometimes skip formalities in casual interactions.

The French Reality
Certain courtesy phrases are non-negotiable in French culture and expected in virtually all interactions.

Practical Advice
Essential phrases to memorize:

• "S'il vous plaît" (seel voo PLEH) – Please

• "Merci" (mehr-SEE) – Thank you

• "Pardon" (par-DON) – Excuse me (when passing by)

• "Excusez-moi" (ex-koo-ZAY mwah) – Excuse me (when interrupting)

• "Je suis désolé(e)" (zhuh swee day-zo-LAY) – I'm sorry

Jean-Paul: "Using these phrases shows respect and consideration. French people don't have the pervasive need to apologize for little things like is more customary in American culture, but these basic courtesies are essential."

Jessica: "Even with my terrible accent, using these phrases in French dramatically improved my interactions. Many French people appreciate visitors making an effort with the language, even if it's just these few words."

The Heart of French Etiquette: Mutual Respect

What connects all these etiquette points is a fundamental value in French culture: mutual respect. What might seem like formality or standoffishness to Americans is actually a sophisticated social code designed to show consideration for others in shared spaces.

By adapting to these cultural norms, you're showing respect for your hosts and their way of life. In return, you'll find French people warming to you quickly and perhaps even bending their own rules to accommodate you once that initial respect has been established.

Remember that making mistakes is completely normal. It's your effort and awareness that count. A genuine "Je suis désolé" works wonders when you realize you've committed a faux pas!

Bon voyage et bonne chance! (bon voy-AHJ ay bon SHANS) Have a good trip and good luck!